While growing up, did you ever consider your parents to be overly strict or maybe you are a parent yourself who is very strict? According to studies, it appears that strict parenting approaches may not be as negative as thought and that strict parenting may make children better and more successful. Let us learn more about why the children of stricter parents turn out to be more successful.
Strict Parenthood: Good Parenthood?
Ericka Rascon-Ramirez, a professor at the University of Essex, between the years of 2004 and 2010, researched data from 15,500 schoolgirls at the ages of 13 and 14. She concluded that those children with stricter mothers were more secure and confident and emotionally-mature. And, the rate of premature pregnancies was 4 percent smaller in the girls who were constantly nagged by their mothers. Consequently, children who come from families with stricter parents, particularly strict mothers, had a higher likelihood of graduating, getting a good job, and being overall successful in their lives.
Rascon-Ramirez believes that healthy pressure from parents (establishing high standards) can elevate their chance of attending and finishing school, which further increases their chance of having a more successful life in the future.
How to Know when Strict Is too Strict?
There are studies which point out that strict parenting has very small advantages for children. And, Philippa Perry, a psychotherapist, points out that being a strict parent can turn children into effective liars; however, when a child lies, it is not necessarily because he/she is a bad kid. In fact, the lies arise from an imagined situation during which the child does not feel safe telling the truth. This could be a consequence of too much discipline, pressure to be perfect, or shaming them publically.
If Strict Is not Right, then What Is It?
Is there a middle ground when it comes to parenting, you are probably interested, right? Can you teach your children values and guidelines without scaring them and turning them into people who hide their mistakes rather than owning up to them?
Stricter parenting is considered by several studies to be more advantageous. Namely, a lot of studies emphasize the intellectual superiority of Asian-American students when compared to other ethnic groups, particularly in the areas of science and math.
Researchers believe that this is not just because they are born intellects, but due to the fact that Chinese parents are stricter, demand from their children more, establish high standards from early on, and have punishments ready for when children do not achieve goals.
But, the modern-day parent may not be so keen on authoritarian parenting style because even if they do turn out successful, it is probably not wise to endanger their social and emotional well-being.
At this point it is important to explain the distinction between authoritarian and authoritative parenting. The former is based on instilling fear whereas the latter is focused on high standards, parental warmth, and good communication. Therefore, being an authoritarian parent may be as damaging as being a permissive parent. Here are the major aspects of these two parenting styles:
- No healthy limitations and the children fail to learn self-management
- Parents do everything to prevent their children from experiencing sadness and disappointment
- The child’s desires are fulfilled at other people’s expenses
- Parents are unclear about things that should not be comprised
- Too much discipline may make children more rebellious
- Overly-strict parents enforce the idea that use of power is always the right thing to do
- The child-parent connection lacks empathy, encourages bullying, and it is based on fear
- It contributes to lying
Without doubt, these two extremes are never good approaches when it comes to parenting. However, since every child-parent connection is one-of-a-kind, even if some limitations may appear too strict, there is no reason why you cannot show love at the same time. Freedom sometimes demands limitations and keeps your children safe, as long as it is balanced.