Unfortunately, at some point of our lives, we’ve all been gaslighted by a person, even if it’s on a small scale by someone we don’t even know.
But, it’s not always unknown people-it’s sometimes our romantic partner, friend or a family member. However, not every person is able to recognize this insidious mind game and not everyone really understands what gaslighting is.
So, the chances for it reoccurring are much higher. This is often the result of us failing to believe that the people we trust and love are manipulating us so this behavior continues.
The gaslighters are also people skilled at covering their doings and will do their best to do subtle and keep up their deceptive attitude.
What Is Gaslighting & How Does It Harm Us?
Gaslighting is a powerful, but dangerous type of emotional and psychological abuse that’s often done intentionally.
It’s a type of a mind game-trying to control the other side and intimidate them. It’s commonly used by sociopaths and narcissists as a means of controlling or debilitating the other side.
The term ‘gaslighting’ was coined in the Gas Light play from 1938 and its adaptations on film helped make it even more popular.
The play shows a husband who uses manipulation to drive his wife crazy-he dims the gaslights in their home intentionally, yet told her she’s just imagining it. He also uses other tricks to convince her she’s going insane and losing her memory.
Although gaslighting today is used in a more abstract manner, the goal is the same-to decrease the other side’s self-esteem and confidence and disable them. A gaslighted individual can become so insecure that they will fail to trust their judgment, intuition, and decision-making capacities.
Eventually, the other side becomes so unsure in their reality and become entirely dependent on the abuser. The gaslighter appears to be the only one who can understand their mind and their environment.
Unfortunately, this person will keep on withholding information from their victim and intentionally alter the facts and truths. He/she will keep details a secret and convince the other person that they had told them.
An abuser knows who to create distrust and make the victim feel like they’re cheaters or that they would cheat if an opportunity arises. They’ll make them feel insecure and jealous.
Gaslighters are good at coming up with convincing lies to upset their victims-they will then give them names, mock them, and use every chance they get to put them down for being upset or reacting.
How to Recognize You’re Being Gaslighted?
You’re constantly apologizing
Even if you’ve done nothing wrong, you’ll apologize all the time for doing things wrong. You’ll feel sorry for everything because the gaslighter always knows how to throw the blame for everything on you.
You end up believing that you’re responsible for every bad thing that’s happened. On the other hand, the gaslighter remains innocent.
Unable to make decisions
Victims will find decision-making hard as they’ll feel that no matter what they do, it will be wrong.
The gaslighter makes them feel that they can’t make rational decisions about things and they leave this to the abuser.
In this way, the other side becomes even more powerful and in control. This keeps the toxic dance going on.
Constantly confused
Victims of gaslighting are usually very confused and bewildered. They don’t trust their own mind and doubt their thoughts.
Their instincts don’t kick in because they’re told right away that they’re wrong. This makes sure that the gaslighter is in top control.
A victim of gaslighters ends up wondering if they’re too sensitive, too weak, etc.
Sources: